The 5 Love Languages
Even though Valentine’s Day has passed, it’s still important to think about our relationships, such as how we show our love to others and how we like to receive it. A popular concept that addresses this is the 5 Love Languages. The 5 Love Languages refer to the idea that individuals give and receive love in different ways. Recognizing these differences can help you learn more about yourself, identify what may contribute to conflicts with others, and connect more with loved ones. The concept of the 5 Love Languages was created by counselor Gary Chapman, Ph.D., who has written many books on the topic for different audiences, such as for couples, single individuals, teenagers, and children.
What are the 5 Love Languages?
1. Words of Affirmation: Focuses on showing affection by verbally expressing it or through notes and/or text messages. The person enjoys kind words, encouragement, uplifting quotes, and compliments.
Examples: Complimenting someone’s appearance or pointing out something they did well.
Reflection: How do you feel when someone tells you they appreciate what you do?
2. Acts of Service: Focuses on doing something helpful that makes the other person feel appreciated. They will notice the little things that are being done.
Examples: Running errands or helping with dinner.
Reflection: How do you feel when someone helps you with tasks?
3. Receiving Gifts: Focuses on giving gifts that lets the person know they are important. The gifts symbolize care and affection. The person values the gift and the time that was put into selecting it. This does not mean liking gifts is being materialistic, since the importance is placed on the effort and thoughtfulness of the gift.
Examples: Receiving your favorite book or giving someone a book you know they will like.
Reflection: How do you feel when you receive a thoughtful gift?
4. Quality Time: Focuses on valuing the presence of the other person when together. The person values undivided attention and spending meaningful time together.
Examples: Not using the phone and making eye contact when spending time with someone.
Reflection: How do you feel when someone actively listens to you and engage in meaningful conversation?
5. Physical Touch: Focuses on feeling love through physical affection. This can include holding hands, sitting close, a kiss, a hug, and even a massage.
Examples: Hugging a loved one or giving/receiving a massage.
Reflection: How do you feel when someone shows their affection by hugging you?
If you want to discover you love language, you can take an online quiz on this website: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
Another way to discover a person’s love language is to observe what makes them happy and ask what a perfect day would look like for them.
References
Bruess, C. (2021, February 8). Do you know the 5 love languages? Here’s what they are and how to use them. TED. https://ideas.ted.com/whats-your-favorite-persons-love-language-heres-how-to-tell-and-how-to-use-it/
Davis, T. (2020, September 28). What are the 5 love languages? Definition and examples. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/202009/what-are-the-5-love-languages-definition-and-examples
Gordon, S. (2024, February 5 ). What are the five love languages? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/can-the-five-love-languages-help-your-relationship-4783538